Charlie the Tuna is an Evil Mother F*cker.

 

I am convinced that Charlie the tuna is evil. Charlie the tuna is to evil as Krispy Kreme is to donuts. Oh yes, he's evil. An evil, evil tuna. What kind of person sells out his own people like that? I mean, fuck, he's not just selling them out, he's the fucking promotional mascot. It's as if, back in the days of rampant slave trading where African tribes would capture and sell off members of rival tribes to unscrupulous slavers with an entrepeneurial spirit, and then said

"HEY WAIT! I've got a GREAT idea for an ad campaign! And you're never going to believe who's going to be the mascot helping you sell those slaves there! It'll be the greatest advertising campaign this world has ever seen!!!

I mean, come on, Charlie the tuna has got to be to the tuna population what Hitler is to us today. What would it take to turn a man against his people so thoroughly? Is there some crime in the past of the Tuna, as a species, that the rest of us are not privy to?

Maybe Charlie is doing gods work, bringing down the wrath of the tuna gods down on the heathens who've lost their spiritual way. Or, maybe he's just an evil little fish with a bad hat... :hell:

...

Well, ok, in all seriousness I can't help but contemplate such odd ideas when I see those starkist commercials. I mean, what next, hire Hannibal Lechter to appear in a series of commercials promoting an organ donor program or something? Unfortunately no one else seems to notice the chilling evil coming at them from the TV screen.

They do say sociopathic serial killers tend to be sauve and well spoken. They hide the monster within oh so well. Only a sick ass weirdo could calmly server up the flesh of some poor relative of his chopped up on a platter, maybe pan seared with a nice olive oil and wine sauce on top.

Charlie is the kind of guy who says "I, for one, welcome our new overlords, how may we serve you, masters?" when the alien armada comes to invade and strip all the resources off of our planet. Man, I tell ya. That Charlie. He's a real proper fuck. :down: