Side Effects may include Sh*tting Your Pants - Alli

Anal seepage. Two words that induce terror in the mind of most people. :shock:

Ok, so there's this new diet product called Alli (pronounced Ally), which is the first FDA approved diet pill. It works by binding to some digestive enzymes in your stomach, stopping the absorption of about 25% of the fat you eat. It's not a magic bullet; you still need to eat a low-cal diet to actually lose weight (as all diets that actually work require). This just gives you a bit of a boost and increases the weight loss.

There are, however, side effects. That 25% fat that your body doesn't consume just...hangs out...riding the slippery slide of your digestive tract and right out the end. Intact.

The site mentions the "treatment effects". Not side effects, treatment effects.

While no one likes experiencing treatment effects, they might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content. If you think of it like that, alli can act like a security guard for your late-night cravings.

...

You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.

Yep, you read it right folks. It requires a little bit of interpretation, but the implications are quite clear. This stuff might make you shit your pants.

that being said, I'm giving the stuff a try. I'm sick of being a tall skinny dude with a fat man's gut. I've got those whacky genetics that store almost of my excess weight in one specific spot on my body. And I've got one of those entirely sedentary desk jobs where I sit in a veal pen all day pecking away at a keyboard and swigging coffee. I get a little exercise what with the dog and all now, but it's entirely inadequate.

So far, the side effects are a little...creepy. I feel...well...lubricated. It's a feeling I've only ever felt when my doctor sexually assaulted me with a latex glove and some vaseline. The stuff that winds up not getting digested is an odd color too. It's sort of yellowish and orange. It's really got the consistency of pepperoni pizza grease. No accidents yet, but then, I've not been on the stuff long. I am losing weight though, so I can't really complain. :thumbs:

I'm reminded of a friend of mine who was telling me about people who donate blood, and how the nurses can tell how fatty your last recent meal was, because the absorbed lipids separate out of the blood and congeal at the top. I've not seen this myself, but I've no reason to suspect this isn't true.

I've also thought about what it might be like to suck down a big mac, a large fries, a pint of chubby hubby icecream, and wash it down with glass of half and half, all with one of these Alli pills. I'm pretty sure I'd become completely incontinent at that point, with pizza grease leaking out of my asshole and dribbling down my leg.

Fun stuff, eh? naughty:

Oh, the squid has nothing to do with this, it's just another odd sketch to add in. I'd thought about trying to sketch something related to spooning greasy crap out of your pants, but for once my brain filter kicked in and I decided to take a pass on that particular subject matter.